It is so important for our children to be gracious hosts. We can give them a lifetime gift, if we encourage them and teach them to communicate with their guests in a gracious, hospitable manner now. Kids can be taught to be gracious hosts, and treating guests and friends in a warm and generous way will become second nature to them.
All right, I admit it -- even though I write about being a gracious host, my own kids have had moments that have made me cringe! I can call to mind the time that my high school-aged son literally threw an item at his female classmate during play rehearsal rather than hand it to her. I also remember when my middle-schooler remained in the basement, glued to the PS2, while his best friend showed himself out!
It was at that point, that we had a family powwow, and reestablished the guidelines for being a proper host. All family members are encouraged to have guests over, as long as the following rules are obeyed:
- Ask permission from at least one parent to have a guest over
- Invite the guest over (structured invitation either over the phone or in person, with details as to start and end times, directions to the house)
- Have informal plan as to how the time will be spent (you can help your child develop this)
- Be ready for the guest and have appropriate games and materials (from the informal plan) ready
- Greet the guest at the door; take his/her coat & shoes
- Offer a plan of action (I'd like to play on the swingset, is that okay with you?)
- Check back frequently with the guest to make sure that he/she is still enjoying the activity
- Decide together when to go on to the next activity
- Offer the guest a snack at some point during the visit
- Give the guest a 30 minute warning (Stan, we only have half an hour until you have to go, is there something you really want to do before you have to go?). This enables both kids to be prepared for the end of the play date, enables the guest to have a say in the manner of play, and teaches your child to communicate and get feedback.
- Help the guest gather all his belongings, and be ready when it's time to get picked up.
- Thank the guest for coming over to play
- Thank the guest's parent for letting him come over
- Say goodbye, and let the guest know that it was fun
It's a good idea for you to check in periodically with your child (even just in an observational manner), to ensure that he/she is being the best host he/she can be. There's always an opportunity for you to give him/her feedback after the play date, and it will help your child to develop the hosting skills necessary for the future.
© Text by Janice Benoit, [March, 2006]. Reproduction without permission prohibited.
