Learn how to identify and solve potential crises at your upcoming family gathering.
Family gatherings can be the source of much stress, even as you are trying to create warm, memorable traditions. All families have some level of dysfunction, and it seems that large group events are where the dysfunction tends to show itself most blatantly. So after imagining the worst possible scenario -- Uncle Phil showing up at Grandpa's funeral with his latest, tacky internet girlfriend -- how does one prepare for, prevent and inevitably deal with the awkward feelings at a large event?
An Ounce of Prevention is Worth a Pound of Cure
The adage is known to all, and it still rings true in the current day. If you have reason to believe that a certain difficult situation may arise, then deal with it beforehand. First imagine the problem. How would it happen? Who would be responsible for it? What would be the long term ramifications of this action? And how would you and others feel about the situation?
Now that you've envisioned the worst case scenario, you are more able to proactively approach it. Work through the best possible solution, given the particular situation you’re anticipating, and create a plan of attack. If the family member of concern is a local relative, consider speaking face to face with that person, prior to the event. Convey to that person that your desire is for the family gathering to be a good event for everyone in attendance. Communicate that it’s in everybody’s best interest if the fireworks were left at home, and that you will do your best to make the celebration meaningful for him/her too.
The next step is critical. Ask this family member what he/she would like from the event. Ideally the answer is something that works for the entire family. That would be a good starting point for creating an active solution to the potential problem and to work as problem-solving partners. Remember not to place blame – either real or imagined – on ANYONE. That action alone is a self-defeating mentality, which will lead your family gathering in a very negative manner.
If on the other hand, this family member tells you that he/she wants something outrageous from the event, you have your work cut out for you! Before the event has even started, you will be forced to put out fires and deal with crises. However, the reason to approach the potential problem person prior to the event, is that you will not be dealing with the unknown during the family gathering. You will have a leg up in handling the situation, in separating volatile relatives, and of curtailing possible conflicts.
So, bite the bullet, identify your worst fears about your upcoming family event, and proactively seek to confront and minimize the potential disaster areas!
